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The End - 07-11-04
Shapes for Patience - 05-05-04
Because Because Because Because Because - 04-14-04
Best Personality Test Ever - 03-29-04
Frame 2 - 03-17-04


01-06-04 - 3:37 a.m.

When they warned "the South shall rise again," you could just picture a litre of molasses in a twenty gallon cauldron reaching with all its vigor for that skyward rim, just enough that a dying ant with nothing to do but feel its surroundings sunk in the auburn goo might not notice, and the flames fanning this relentless melting spree would be the heat released by occasional particles oxidating near the cauldron.

What you did not expect was that the substance you had previously mistaken for harmless molasses was in fact an extra terrestrial being with the power to lie dormant, seeming always nothing more than molasses, until you realized too late it was everywhere pulling strings.

For when they said "the South shall rise again," they meant it cartographically.

And now you find yourself amid sophists who accuse you of sophistry. For weeks you retain the power to laugh when the kind old men who keep their company accuse you of plotting to destroy all of Christendom, patiently explaining to you between invectives that human rights is an affront to all Christians, an attack on all Christians, because God says homosexuality is an abomination, the part is obviously the whole, and your transparent contempt for Christianity reveals the hypocrisy inherent in your claim to tolerate differences. They teach that you can't defend homosexuals and tolerate Christianity, and by the way homosexuals will destroy civilization, and by the way you should become a Christian, because if we're wrong and you're right, you'll live a decent life anyway, but if you're wrong you'll burn in the scorching flames of hell forever and ever like you deserve, like everyone deserves, and no, you'd be mad to observe that other religions make similar claims, because you can't take those religions seriously. Besides, Muslims want nothing more than to kill Americans. You know that, don't you? No, not Muslims, Islamicists.

And you are reluctant to acknowledge that most of these people are listed, in their profiles, as residents of the great state of Texas, because all that talk of the South rising was really just a reference to the ideology represented in the stereotype and not intended to seriously stereotype the residents of that region, even though these particular residents seem keen to criticize you for your stupidity in thinking black children shouldn't have to attend a school named for Robert E. Lee.

As with all entertainments, when novelty wears thin, the steady stream of caveman fatuity grows more than annoying, and the sophists make clear the sad error in your naive dogmatic belief that all humans are three dimensional, that all blemishes in character are counterbalanced by redeeming virtues. You want to stop. You want to flee and forget. You realize the other online writing exercise was healthier. More your genre.

But you've invested so much of yourself in these debates, and there are loose ends. There are points you can still make. Victories to be won. Victories over maybe a dozen angry apes who will always vote their party line, no matter how deeply you make them feel their stupidity for an instant before incomprehension erases the memory. Oh, but if not for the petty thirst to behead their sophist counterparts. . .

You resolve to give Diaryland another try.

And thank the anchors, for their reminder that Texas isn't everywhere yet. Thank the brilliant, charming Christians on your buddy list for maintaining their souls, for representing Christendom's better half, for reminding you that you do not in fact have anything per se against Christianity.

Thank the geniuses for their inspiring creativity and wit.

Thank them all for reminding you that there are people worth caring about across the world.

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Fiction: Ye Most Lamentable Comedy of Dr. John Doe Faustus

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